Monday, May 20, 2013

B.M.W.B- Love Languages

A lot of you may have heard about the Five Love Languages book written by Gary Chapman. The five love languages can be broken down in to:
  • Quality Time
  • Words Of Affirmation
  • Acts Of Service
  • Physical Touch
  • Gifts

I have never really thought about applying these to my children until I came across an article on how to love your child using the five Love Languages. I thought about this one for a while, and I am very sure that my three year old's language is Words of Affirmation. He always tells me he loves me and says the cutest things, and responds well to praise.

I really enjoyed reading the suggestions on how to use Words of Affirmation to show Lucas how much I love and appreciate him. Too often, my tone of voice can sound very exasperated and he picks up on this and gets frustrated. The tips I put into use were:
  • Telling him how proud I was of him for doing things well such as playing nicely with his brother, eating all of his dinner and sharing his toys.
  • Saying "I Love You" with eye contact.
  • Apologising when I do something wrong.
  • Taking more notice of my tone of voice when speaking.
I have found these four things have greatly impacted on how I speak to Lucas. I tell my boys I love them every day, but changing my tone of voice when I am angry or asking Lucas to do something has really helped him to understand how I feel.

Adam was a bit harder to figure out since he was so young, but he loves to be cuddled and held so I decided to use the tips on loving him through Physical Touch. The ways I did this were:
  • Cuddling him when reading a book
  • Lots of hugs
  • Pats on the back
This was a lot easier, as who doesn't want to hug a a baby! Also, my Love Language is touch, so hugging and cuddling are how I express love anyway. Lucas also responded well to lots of cuddles during storytime, and hugs always make everyone feel better.

I also want to focus on Quality Time with both of my boys, as I feel that this Love Language is the secondary language for them. So far I have:
  • taken Lucas on a hot chocolate date
  • let Lucas help me cook
  • Played games with Lucas
  • Taken Lucas with me when running errands
Too often, my time is spent multitasking, and focusing all of my attention on Lucas when Adam is asleep has been a great way for both of us to connect again. I also spend a lot of time just with Adam due to his age and the fact that I am usually the one settling him! Reading books to him or just talking to him without looking at my phone or watching TV at the same time have made me realise how special it is to be a mother and how lucky I am.

I really urge you to read this article, it has made me realise that how I express my love isn't necessarily how my sons want to be loved. Using these tips, I can have some ways of showing them how much I love them without just saying it.

Linking up with Becoming the Mama I Want to Be.


  1. I read that for children under the age of 5 to use all the love languages :D I find it hard with my 6 year old to figure his out- but being aware of them sure does help love them!

  2. This is a great idea!! Mine are still kind of young but I think I could definitely try to figure out Stafford's. Putting this on my to do list!

  3. love it. I think taking that time to think about how to love them is such a gift to them - good for you!


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